Demonstrating Successful Behaviors
Respectfully submitted by Julie Bujtas
Just when you finally
start feeling like you’ve gotten your life together, you‘re the most stable and
organized you‘ve ever been, life throws you a curve. Congratulations!
You’re a parent! Now you have to take all of those bits of world
knowledge and organizational skills and teach them to someone else!
Naturally, all of the good habits you’ve worked so hard on your whole
life will be passed down. Everything from the proper way and times to
brush your teeth, to the healthy foods you choose to put into your body, to
your daily exercise routine will be carefully demonstrated for and explained to
your young pride and joy. Just as important as all of these habits that
you practice in taking care of your physical self, however, are the little
things you may not even realize you do that help you get through the rough
times and function successfully as an intelligent human being. Noted
writers/educational consultants Arthur Costa and Bena Kallick have identified
16 of these “Habits of Mind” - common behaviors that successful people rely
on when they are confronted with difficulty. And they do need to be
taught!
Success is not just
about how much information we retain, but how we react or behave when the
answer to a problem is not readily available. “Persist,“ “take a risk,“
“ask questions,“ or “try to be flexible” seem like common sense behaviors for
many of us. We may not remember how, when, or where we learned and
started practicing these skills, but these and many other good problem-solving
habits were taught to us at some point along the way. As mindful parents,
we should show our own children how we apply them in tough situations, just as
we model or demonstrate other good habits for their benefit. In order to
successfully handle the problems that life throws at them, our children will
need every opportunity to practice these intelligent behaviors. The
sooner they are aware of and start using them, the faster these behaviors will
become habits. Knowing and using them will make the many transitions
children face through their academic and social development that much easier.
Aside from the “common
sense” behaviors mentioned above, there are a few identified habits that we
probably do as parents, without even thinking. “Responding with
wonderment and awe” is a favorite of toddler parents; we realize that what gets
us excited can also get them interested, so the smallest act becomes a dramatic
event, to create excitement. “Creating, imagining, and innovating” and
“questioning” can be brought to the fore at this time, too. Our child’s
choice of toy or playtime activity can help him make sense of the world and
build upon it, in his own unique way. As they grow from toddler to preschooler,
“thinking interdependently” becomes more necessary. They engage in group
activities, have play dates, and begin to see the benefits of having someone
else their age, with whom they can share ideas. Perhaps most important at
this time, we try our best to “find humor” in difficult situations, because we
know that our children will react as we do. We often look to diffuse what
might otherwise be a tear-filled outburst by showing how comical, weird, or
ironic the situation can be, drawing attention away from the source of fear or
hurt.
Although these behaviors
may seem intuitive, they do need to be identified and reinforced, the ultimate
goal being that they will be the first reactions when problems arise. The
child can grow to understand that he is in full control over the resulting
positive or negative outcome, based on which behaviors he uses to respond.
The simple act of recognizing and pointing out these behaviors at home
early on can help children learn how and when to consciously apply them. Children’s
ability to advocate for themselves and move through life’s ubiquitous
difficulties at school or with friends with ease can become almost second
nature.
It is probable that
these skills are worked into the curriculum of your child’s school in some form
or another. Many teachers actually use Costa and Kallick’s Habits of Mind
as a way to set the tone in their classroom. Habits like “managing
impulsivity,“ “communicating with clarity and precision,“ “applying past
knowledge,“ and “gathering data through all the senses” can help to focus
students on the work at hand and maintain a respectful atmosphere.
However, the one place children learn more of their behaviors than
anywhere else is, of course, from their parents. We model “listening with
understanding and empathy” when we listen to them. They notice our facial
expressions, where we focus our attention, and how we respond, and they try
those behaviors out on the next person they listen to. Our attention to
detail in our own work, as we “strive for accuracy and precision,” is also
noted and mimicked. If a child comes from a household where every new
activity is treated as a learning experience, he or she will no doubt “remain
open to continuous learning” throughout life.
These habits are not exhibited
in isolation; we often use several at once when tackling a major issue.
Costa and Kallick admit that successful adults may have even more
intelligent habits than those included in their list. As parents raising
our children in the best way we know how, it is our duty to share our positive
world views and personal habits with them. The recognition and use of the
Habits of Mind offer that sense of stability and organization that are so
helpful to have earlier in life. Making our children aware of these and
other “intelligent behaviors” as a positive means of tackling any problem,
academic or social, can be one of the most useful gifts we can offer them as
parents.
External Links and
Further Reading:
Association for
Supervision and Curriculum Development. Habits of Mind Summary. c. 2000
Watts, Graham. Habits of Mind; Developing skilful learners and independent thinkers. http://www.habitsofmind.co.uk/the-habits.html
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