Helping Children Overcome Anxiety

Children experience varying amounts of anxiety throughout their lives, some children more than others. If you notice that you child becomes anxious frequently, there are several things that you can do to help ease your child’s worries and help him to learn to handle the stresses of his life.

According to Helen Nieves, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, there are six ways to help teach your child to combat their worries.

1) Tell your child to put their worries into words: Tell your child to think about what is really true as opposed to what they are afraid might happen. Reminding your child that if a bad thing happens they can get through it or they can make a plan to help them feel calmer and less worried.  For example, your child could be afraid of big dogs. If your child is invited to a friends house, they may worry that their friend has a dog and will bite them. You can help by telling your child to find out if their friend has a dog and if so, to create a plan such as telling the friend to hold the dog or lock the dog in another room. 

2) Create a Worry Time: It is a good idea to spend less time on worries. If you do not spend time on them, they will eventually go away. Create a Worry Time with your child. During this time, you will sit with your child for about 15-20 minutes talking about whatever they are worried about. This time should not be interrupted, instead it is a time where you will offer help and just listen. You can tell them that if they have a worry to lock it up in their imaginary worry box, walk away and get distracted with something else. Their worry that they locked up will only be opened during worry time. If they distract themselves, the worry will lessen. The point for a worry box is to help children learn not to pay attention to their worries all the time because the worries will grow. By the time they reach “Worry Time” their worries won’t be BIG problems anymore. 

3) Talk Back (to worries): Teach your child to talk back to their worries and then to distract themselves by playing or watching television. Tell your child that if the worry continues to talk to them, to do something else and not to pay attention to the worry. Tell them to imagine that their worries are like bullies. They can tell the worry bully “Leave me alone,” “Go away,” ” You are bugging me,” “I’m not going to listen to you,” or “I don’t believe you.” 

4) Relaxation: Teach you child relaxation techniques. Have your child get involved with an activity that is fun, teach them to breath slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth, and try some progressive relaxation techniques. Of course you need to make the techniques child appropriate. Also, you can tell them to use visualization-to think of a memory that they like and makes them feel good. I like this visualization: Imagine that they are a baseball player and every ball that is thrown represents a worry. Each worry that is pitched to them, they hit the ball out of the ballpark 

5) They are in control: Tell your child that they are in control of their worries. The same way that they control the television when they have the remote control (they are able to change the channel) they can change the channel when they worry by simply not paying attention to them. They are in control of the worries, the worries are not in control of them. 

6) Teach your child to be strong: Being mentally strong is important. Have your child tell you what they are good at and then have them do it. Teach them to be proud of themselves. Gaining confidence is important to fighting worry bullies away.

How a Montessori Education Prepares Children for College

At a recent National Association of Independent Schools conference, the topic of college readiness was examined. Feedback received from residential colleges, stating that students were coming to them ill-prepared for the day-to-day tasks required of their students. These included prioritizing time, living in a community, independence, speaking up for themselves, and personal responsibility.

A representative for Montessori Teacher’s Institute for Professional Studies, Wendy Calise, who was present at the conference, wrote about how Montessori schools specially prepare children for these challenges.

"Mixed age PreK/K Montessori Classes create an ideal environment for children to engage in academic pursuits as well as learn the critical skills of collaboration, problem solving, and creative thinking. Because they are encouraged to work independently, they build a strong sense of themselves and their enormous capabilities."

"Toddlers in a Montessori Toddler Community become responsible by participating in tasks that make a real contribution to the class community. They become resourceful by learning how to play together, how to gather in a group, how to get a turn, how to give a turn. Teachers carefully balance modeling and offering help with allowing toddlers to make their own choices and experience the results."

Children That Play Outside In All Weather Grow Up Resilient

Although spring is finally approaching, we recently came across this article at the Wild Earth website that reminded us of the importance of being outdoors, regardless of the temperature or weather conditions. Here's an excerpt that we found to be thought provoking: 

Imagine children that have grown up playing outside in all manner of challenging conditions, in all seasons of the year. Imagine how they’d be different than kids taught to come inside when it’s raining, or cold. Imagine how they’d be different from kids that find entertainment from the TV, computer or video games. 

Kids who play outside in challenging weather are more positive, more creative, and more adaptable. They don’t let challenges stop them. They rise to challenges and find ways to carry on in spite of them. And that’s just their baseline. It’s nothing special to them. It’s normal.

Read more about the importance of outside play and some suggestions for things to do outside with our children at the Wild Earth website at: http://wildearth.org/blog/children-that-play-outside-in-all-weather-grow-up-resilient

Building the Foundation for Language Learning

The ability to read and write are skills that generally take years to master. Although we traditionally think of learning to read starting with learning the alphabet, in truth it begins far before that.

The foundation of reading comes from the desire to communicate. This driving force can be supported and encouraged through frequent opportunities to see and use language. By reading, speaking, and modeling writing with our children early and often, we can ignite their curiosity.

The pictured "House" below details the path to reading, starting with the important foundation and moving towards the roof, where reading and writing are illustrated. Although we often focus on the end-product, or the "roof", it's important to remember that the strongest readers are not those who were rushed to begin reading, but those who have developed solid skills in all areas of language.

From the Mind of Maria Montessori

As we celebrate Montessori Education Week, we thought it would be interesting to share some of Maria Montessori’s most famous quotes from her books and speeches.

“One test of the correctness of educational procedure is the happiness of the child”

 “If education is always to be conceived along the same antiquated lines of a mere transmission of knowledge, there is little to be hoped from it in the bettering of man’s future. For what is the use of transmitting knowledge if the individual’s total development lags behind?”

 “Here is an essential principle of education: to teach details is to bring confusion; to establish the relationship between things is to bring knowledge.”

“We especially need imagination in science. It is not all mathematics, not all logic, but it is somewhat beauty and poetry.”

“The first essential for the child’s development is concentration. The child who concentrates is immensely happy.”

“Respect all the reasonable forms of activity in which the child engages and try to understand them.”

“The only language men ever speak perfectly is the one they learn in babyhood, when no one can teach them anything!”

“Establishing lasting peace is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us out of war.”

“The greatest sign of success for a teacher… is to be able to say, the children are now working as if I did not exist.” 

The Wonder of Girls

Another gem from The Gurian Institute:

Gender and Education News

Feb 11, 2015

The Wonder of Girls 
Girls tend to be "the connectors" in many classrooms.  As always, when we look through a "gender lens" we are not stereotyping but instead looking at broad generalizations that hold true across cultures.  

It may seem like there is heightened focus on boys and their challenges both academically and behaviorally in school and at home but also we don't ever forget girls and their unique social and academic needs! 

The Old Girl Code:
The old Girl Code message was, "It is your responsibility to make others happy."
Many girls, because they are relationship-oriented, are 'pleasers,' which impacts their confidence and self-esteem.
Too often girls think that being nice means being quiet, never showing anger, and not expressing their true feelings.

The NEW Girl Code

--It is not your responsibility to make everyone happy.  If you are interrupted, wait a beat, then continue.  Be passionate, concise, and clear.

--Find the job with the options you need – rewrite the workplace.  Fortune 500 CEO and “top dog” are not necessarily right for or the gold success standard for most women with families.

--Stop taking things personally!  The world is competitive, and people are just not nice, especially when they want power.  Deal with it

--Because girls often avoid conflict and failure, we forget to teach these skills—so, nurture your own strength as much as you do your desire to be loved and mirrored.
 

--Don’t blame men for a woman’s situation—it distracts from success building with these excuses.
 

Females may have trouble understanding male emotions because:
Males tend to delay complex emotional reactions.
Males tend to choose physical expression of emotions over verbal expression.
Males tend to mask vulnerability.
Males prefer a quicker release of feelings.
Males view emotions as a design problem that needs solving.
Females view emotions as life processes.
For more information go to

www.gurianintstitue.com

Parent-leadership: 3 Insights

By Jim and Michele Aspinall
Based on Work with Author and Psychologist, John Rosemond

Most believe that for any problem there is a right method or technique to solve it. Are your children misbehaving? Just get a good parenting book. Need advice on how to discipline your children? A quick Google search is sure to yield numerous blog posts and videos on parenting. Sift through all the parenting techniques available, and choose a method that is appropriate for your child’s age, the duration of problem, etc. Problem solved? Not exactly.

Having a method is good. But no method will work for long if you don’t adopt a leadership attitude. Here are just a few insights from the most recent Parenting class led by Jim and Michele Aspinall on 1) the relationship, 2) the talk, and 3) the nourishment involved in parent leadership.

1) The Relationship

The Parent-Leader and the Child-Disciple

Again, no discipline will work for very long if you don’t establish yourself as a leader.“Leadership Parenting” means how you present yourself to your children: You must act self-assured, calm, confident, cool under fire, compelling, interesting. You radiate authority. Most importantly, you act like you know what you are doing. With this, your children will also feel that you have their best interests at heart.

Your actions should exude 4 attributes:

• You act like you know what you’re doing (You are decisive).

• You act like you know where you’re going (You have a vision that guides your decisions).

• You act like you know what you want your child to do (You are assertively direct: you don’t beat around the bush when it comes to giving instructions).

• You act like you know your child is going to obey and/or live up to your expectations (You are positive, optimistic, self-assured, and inspiring: you bring out the best in people).

And with you as the leader, your child becomes… your disciple. A disciple is someone who subscribes willingly to the authority of his or her teacher, who believes that the teacher speaks the truth, and that by following the teacher, his or her life will be greatly improved.

A child-disciple then, is defined by four qualities:

• He knows he can rely on his parents (trust).

• He looks up to his parents (respect).

• He follows their lead (obedience).

• He subscribes to their values (loyalty)

2. The Talk

Communicating effectively as a Leader

Effective leaders are characterized by their communication skills. Confident, decisive and concise communication inspires the child-disciple to trust in your leadership.

The Communication is Confident.

• Parent-leaders are masters of inspiring, authoritative speech (what Rosemond calls Alpha Speech). When they talk, no one doubts that they know what they’re talking about. They say what they mean and mean what they say.

The Communication is Decisive.

• Parent-leaders know what they are doing (or at least act like it): their decisions arise from conviction, not reaction, and can be relied upon.
• They tend not to give explanations for the decisions they make, and when they do express their rationale, they do so concisely (When someone in a position of authority explains the reason behind an executive decision, he runs the risk of conveying that he’s not quite sure of himself).

The Communication is Short and Sweet.

• The fewer words a parent gives when giving instructions or conveying expectations, the more likely it is that the child will obey.
• This highlights the 4 most powerful words in parenting: “Because I said so”. This is a statement of leadership. You are simply saying to your child that, as an adult here, I do not need to justify my answer to you.

3. The Nourishment

Is Your Child Getting Enough Vitamin N?

Finally, be certain that you are giving your child regular, daily doses of VITAMIN “N.” This nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word: NO! If you haven’t already started, you can begin by administering vitamin N to your child’s in the following ways:

• Turn their world right side up by giving them all of what they truly need, but no more than 25% of what they simply want.

• Don’t do for your children what they are capable of doing themselves. Say, “You can do that on your own.” This encourages the growth of perseverance and self-sufficiency. When the child says, “I can’t,” don’t argue. Just say “Well, I won’t.” You’ll be amazed at how creative and resourceful children can be under the right circumstances.

• Don’t always rescue them from failure or disappointment. Remember that falling on one’s face can be an invaluable learning experience.

• Remember that just because a child doesn’t like something doesn’t mean it shouldn’t happen or exist. For children to grow up requires that parents resist the temptation to constantly protect them from the discomfort of having to divest dependency.

• Don’t worry about treating children “fairly.” Remember that, to a child, “fair” means “me first” with the biggest and best of everything.

• Don’t overdose your children emotionally by giving them too much attention or too much praise. If you pay too much attention to your children, they have no reason to pay attention to you.

To recap, a parenting method is like a tool: having no leadership mindset is like holding the tool with a loose, greasy grip that renders it ineffective. Whichever parenting method you choose should be undergirded with an attitude of leadership aimed at helping your children become the best people they can be. It starts with love and leadership, and it culminates with your children leaving home and showing you what a good job you did.

Jim and Michele Aspinall are parents of two children, 11 and 8 years of age.Michele is an AMI trained teacher at the primary level and pioneered Countryside Montessori School's All Year Montessori program. She has been working in the classroom for nearly 25 years. Her husband Jim is the Director of Operations at Countryside Montessori School.
Published with permission by Countryside Montessori school in Northbrook, Illinois